Friday, May 27, 2011

Everything's going to be illegal in New York

It's getting to the point where they only thing you're going to be allowed to do is stay at home ... in your bedroom ... under your covers ... with the lights off. As long as those covers are made out of natural fibers.

If there's one thing lawmakers know how to do, it's make laws that make life difficult. Let me introduce you to a law that would NEVER exist if John Boehner were in New York. The anti-tanning law. Yep, some state lawmakers want to outlaw tanning beds ... because they're bad for you. I think most people KNOW that tanning can be bad for you. They do it anyway. It's not up to the state to make sure we only do good things. Otherwise, ice cream and beer would be illegal, too. Hmm. Maybe I shouldn't give them any ideas.

Leave it to the imaginations of teenagers. They can figure out how to get high off anything. And as a result, "anything" will eventually become illegal. Take, for example, bath salts. If used improperly, they can cause hallucinations, paranoia, delusions, suicidal thoughts and violent behavior in addition to chest pain, increased blood pressure and increased heart rates. In other words, they can amplify the teenager-ness in kids. And the state wants them off shelves. Why not just outlaw teenagers. Now THAT, I'd vote for - having one myself.

Heck, in New York City, you can't even smoke outside!

Fortunately, some people actually want to DE-criminalize something and I'm all for it. The push is on to allow wine sales in grocery stores. Of course, liquor stores hate this idea because it would cut into their profit and allow grocery stores - who are apparently all owned by big communist conglomerates - to make more money. I don't think "saving liquor stores" is really a reason to not allow grocery stores to sell wine.

Actually, the state is considering de-criminalizing a second thing: MMA fighting. Yes, mixes martial arts is brutal and bloody. But if two adults want to put themselves through that torture, it isn't up to the state to protect them from themselves.